Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
