hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
