I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
My liver just had a heart attack.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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