Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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