You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I wear drunk well.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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