it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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