I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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