just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
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That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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