my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Randomize
