I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
