so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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