I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize
