Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Randomize
