I cut my penus on the lid.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
