I look better un-naked...
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
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