the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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