I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
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