I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
