Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
