I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
