there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
