Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize
