This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
What a dumb baby whore.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Randomize
