I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
