are you still at the devil's house?
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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