I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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