Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
