you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
