I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Randomize
