I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
