I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
