Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Randomize
