They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
