He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
