I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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