Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
