ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Randomize
