I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
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