He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
