got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
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