the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
