you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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