nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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