i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
