you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
