Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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