i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
