On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Randomize
