I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
My vagina is officially offended.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Randomize
