what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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