omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
