I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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