we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
