A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
