david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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