I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
