my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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