I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
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