guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
